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Apr. 11th, 2012 07:26 pmHe stares at the door for a long time after Ruby leaves.
She's wrong. She has to be wrong. Maybe the angels have turned out to be more like assholes than good guys -- just ask Anna -- but it's not like what he can do would make the difference.
Right?
Sam curses under his breath and storms out of the room, slamming the door behind him.
He can't stop thinking about it. Even when he's supposed to be focusing on the job, it's still there in the back of his mind, haunting him. Taunting him, until he bursts out,
"What if we could win?"
Dean stares at him in disbelief. "You wanna run that by me again?"
"If there was a way that we could-- I don't know, if we could just... stop it," Sam tries to explain, trying not to wince while his brother watches. "Just put an end to it all somehow."
"There something you're not telling me, Sammy?"
"No. No," he says again, fiercely, meaning it.
He's done with it. He'd told Dean, he'd told Ruby, he'd meant it, and he's going to stick to it. Even though he's gotten used to the psychic abilities, the whole blood part -- that's wrong. It has to be; it feels wrong. He's not going back to it. Not again.
He can't. He can't.
After it's all over, Sam stands awkwardly by while Dean tries to reassure Jay.
"You know Charlie was never gonna give up what he was doing. You did the right thing."
Jay pierces them both with a scornful look.
"You sure about that? Charlie -- he was like my brother. And now he's dead, because I did the 'right thing.'"
Sam barely hears the rest of it over the sudden roaring in his ears. It's a couple of seconds after the old magician turns his back on them and walks away before he realizes Dean's talking to him.
"-- I'm gonna take a walk," Sam interrupts, and heads for the nearest exit, pulling out his phone as soon as he's out of sight.
He ducks into Ruby's car as soon as she pulls up.
"Okay," he says, curtly. "I'm in."
"What changed your mind?"
Sam looks away from her, out the window.
"I don't want to still be doing this when I'm an old man," he says.
We can't afford for me to do the right thing.
"The whole world's about to be engulfed in hellfire."
"Thirty-four seals, Sam. That's over halfway. The angels are losing this war."
She's wrong. She has to be wrong. Maybe the angels have turned out to be more like assholes than good guys -- just ask Anna -- but it's not like what he can do would make the difference.
Right?
"It's the only way. If you'd just admit to yourself that you like it--"
Sam curses under his breath and storms out of the room, slamming the door behind him.
He can't stop thinking about it. Even when he's supposed to be focusing on the job, it's still there in the back of his mind, haunting him. Taunting him, until he bursts out,
"What if we could win?"
Dean stares at him in disbelief. "You wanna run that by me again?"
"If there was a way that we could-- I don't know, if we could just... stop it," Sam tries to explain, trying not to wince while his brother watches. "Just put an end to it all somehow."
"There something you're not telling me, Sammy?"
"No. No," he says again, fiercely, meaning it.
He's done with it. He'd told Dean, he'd told Ruby, he'd meant it, and he's going to stick to it. Even though he's gotten used to the psychic abilities, the whole blood part -- that's wrong. It has to be; it feels wrong. He's not going back to it. Not again.
"Lucifer rises, the apocalypse starts. People are gonna die, Sam. Oceans of people."
He can't. He can't.
After it's all over, Sam stands awkwardly by while Dean tries to reassure Jay.
"You know Charlie was never gonna give up what he was doing. You did the right thing."
Jay pierces them both with a scornful look.
"You sure about that? Charlie -- he was like my brother. And now he's dead, because I did the 'right thing.'"
Sam barely hears the rest of it over the sudden roaring in his ears. It's a couple of seconds after the old magician turns his back on them and walks away before he realizes Dean's talking to him.
"-- I'm gonna take a walk," Sam interrupts, and heads for the nearest exit, pulling out his phone as soon as he's out of sight.
He ducks into Ruby's car as soon as she pulls up.
"Okay," he says, curtly. "I'm in."
"What changed your mind?"
Sam looks away from her, out the window.
"I don't want to still be doing this when I'm an old man," he says.
We can't afford for me to do the right thing.
